This, self-love, has been one of my own greatest lessons. I have spent a lifetime questioning my own worthiness and my own goodness. I have been, as many of you may relate to, a compulsive giver. Giving my time, energy, love, and resources to others in a compulsive bid to find validation. Is that true giving? Selfless on the one hand, self-seeking on the other.

One of the greatest acts of service one can engage in is self-love. Unlike compulsive over-giving, which inevitably leads to depletion, when you love *yourself* you do not drain other people. When you over-give to the point of depletion, regardless of your intentions, that depletion will cause you to drain other people. Ironic huh? Some of us compulsive givers need to stop giving to others and give to ourselves in concentrated doses of self-love instead! When we do this, our cups will overflow! What a tremendous moment of service, to fill one’s cup to overflowing. How the world will be blessed by our ability to love ourselves.


When I speak of self-love, I am not talking about ego gratification. I am not talking about self-aggrandizement. That sort of narcissism is not self-loving, it is actually a denial of the self. It is promoting a false self that you think is worthy of love and admiration because you lack the ability to love your true self. Ego gratification is self-hatred.

What is self-love? It is a recognition that if I only have a limited amount of time, energy, resources, etc., I will first and foremost utilize them to ensure my own needs are being met so that I do not intentionally or unintentionally drain others. Self-love will lead to your own cup flowing over, and that is the primary point that I want to make here. When you fill your own cup with love, not only are you unlikely to drain others, the love that you fill your cup with *will* overflow as a collective blessing.

Years ago I heard a metaphor about this which rings so true. Imagine we are all like sponge-people (you didn’t see that coming did you?) walking around the beach. Our spongey selves dry up (depletion) and we look around us, desperate to be filled again, so we take water from the other sponge-people we see. If we’re all doing this, energetically and emotionally bumping into each other to try to salvage that feeling of depletion, we will all be in a constant pattern of draining each other. It will feel as though enough is never enough.

But look what we’re missing… nearby an entire ocean of love is available to us! Love is never-ending in its supply but instead of looking to source to fill our cup, we look to each other.

Here are some great examples of how to self-love:

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/get-hardy/201203/seven-step-prescription-self-love

https://handful.com/blogs/news/7-ways-to-practice-self-love-and-self-care-everyday

https://lonerwolf.com/self-care-ideas/ (this one is especially helpful!!! A MUST READ!)