Hannah's Follow-Up: Releasing Creativity to Heal
Posted by Gabby Turner on Saturday, January 3, 2009 Under: Health/Healing
Later Correspondence from Hannah, Follow-Up Question:
Hannah wrote:
ive sort of been in shock since that reading and wanted to talk to you more but didnt want to inundate you with my "stuff.." but here goes...
i have a lot of anxiety and depression. i am recently trying therapy again and am learning just how much sadness i have carried around inside of me. its really unbelievable. i also have a lot of chronic back pain which has never responded to anything. the root of all these issues began 14 yrs ago (half my life) and i am beginning to really loose my patience with myself and hope of ever truly forgiving, letting go, moving on, being whole, as i so greatly desire. i quit smoking pot like a fiend a year ago after making some pretty serious suicide plans... but am constantly coming up with new compulsive plugs for my sadness.
im going into the healing profession- just started acupuncture school. i feel this is the right step but that something huge is lacking. i have an immense, unfulfilled creative abyss inside that constantly calls to me, yet i am unable to undertake to any fulfilling extent. some how this is all tied together. i realize i must grieve and mourn, but i cant feel safe enough to let go, so i cling to some tangible form of hope- learning, goals for the future, being needed on earth- to keep me alive. this is where i stand right now. i feel like i am being selfish to pour all of this information onto a complete stranger, but your insight really blew me away today, and so i cant really restrain it. i would be honored if you could shed more light on my situation- mainly, how/where to focus my creative energies so that catharsis can occur without totally unhinging me.
My Response:
Well, the Page of Wands from the earlier reading makes a lot of sense there. The page is unafraid to try new things creatively. They're still in the learning process...so it's okay for the page to paint a picture or write a poem and end up with a really ugly painting or a really bad poem. For the page, the process of being creative is more important than the product. The page is young and lets him/herself have fun with the creative process without worrying too much about pressure to succeed, or about what other people think. You also had the Knight of Pentacles reversed...telling you not to be so much like the Knight of Pentacles. Oddly, the Knight would be someone interested in a healing profession, but I don't think that in and of itself is what the tarot is telling you to stop doing. (actually working in acupuncture is probably a very helpful thing to do). I think the message is more: stop WORRYIINIG...stop holding yourself back. Don't be so concerned with the process or the outcome or perfection. You are creatively talented, but the Knight of Pentacles is the type of personality that puts too much pressure on him/herself to be just perfect. It is also a card about inertia...it is a very slowwwww card. You're having a lot of trouble pulling yourself out of a Knight of Pentacles mentality because any kind of change is slow and difficult and worrisome when you are the Knight of Pentacles.
Let me see what other cards I can pull:
10 of Wands, 8 of Pentacles, and Knight of Cups
Anytime the wands show up in a reading about creativity, that is a good sign. The ten is a sign of great burden, but also a signal that you are coming to a culmination where you have learned a certain lesson and will need to take that new knowledge and begin learning a new lesson. You know that creative expression will be beneficial to you emotionally and will help you with the grieving and with the depression/anxiety that you are dealing with, BUT that knowledge is also painful because you feel unsure how to go about releasing your creations. Regardless, you have reached a point where a lesson has been learned, which means you can begin to learn a new lesson.
The new lesson is how to enjoy your ability to create, and perfecting your skill while you're at it, like the man in the 8 of pentacles card does. (I am using rider/waite for reference). The first pentacle he made wasn't so great. The next was a little better, and so on. Eventually he will be a master of his creations. He will become the person on the 9 of pentacles card who is surrounded by the beauty of the gardens he has planted (to be metaphorical). Then he will be the person from the 10 of pentacles, surrounded by creative wealth and by the people who love him, by the relationships that keep him stable and secure.
The Knight of Cups here, I think, is saying to begin by noticing how emotions can be wonderful. Treat interactions with other people as a blessing whenever you can. Even if you have a bad interaction with another person, think of how wonderful it is that you have such a depth and range of emotions to draw from in your creative work. (I want to be clear, I'm not trying to tell you to think every asshole you meet is a great person or that you have to be ms. sunshine, but just recognize that all of your emotions are important...it is necessary to feel them all--your soul needs to experience these emotions--but the emotion of joy is an especially important one...so open yourself up to the possibility of that one whenever you can).
I asked to look more into the Knight of Cups meaning and I got 2 of cups, 5 of wands, and High Priestess.
Again...learning to deal with relationships is going to be important to your creative process just as your ability to let out, to RELEASE your creations will be helpful to your relationships. Harmony (2 of cups) and Conflict (5 of wands) are both necessary. The High Priestess understands the necessary of both! Like her, you realize this as well.
Hannah wrote:
ive sort of been in shock since that reading and wanted to talk to you more but didnt want to inundate you with my "stuff.." but here goes...
i have a lot of anxiety and depression. i am recently trying therapy again and am learning just how much sadness i have carried around inside of me. its really unbelievable. i also have a lot of chronic back pain which has never responded to anything. the root of all these issues began 14 yrs ago (half my life) and i am beginning to really loose my patience with myself and hope of ever truly forgiving, letting go, moving on, being whole, as i so greatly desire. i quit smoking pot like a fiend a year ago after making some pretty serious suicide plans... but am constantly coming up with new compulsive plugs for my sadness.
im going into the healing profession- just started acupuncture school. i feel this is the right step but that something huge is lacking. i have an immense, unfulfilled creative abyss inside that constantly calls to me, yet i am unable to undertake to any fulfilling extent. some how this is all tied together. i realize i must grieve and mourn, but i cant feel safe enough to let go, so i cling to some tangible form of hope- learning, goals for the future, being needed on earth- to keep me alive. this is where i stand right now. i feel like i am being selfish to pour all of this information onto a complete stranger, but your insight really blew me away today, and so i cant really restrain it. i would be honored if you could shed more light on my situation- mainly, how/where to focus my creative energies so that catharsis can occur without totally unhinging me.
My Response:
Well, the Page of Wands from the earlier reading makes a lot of sense there. The page is unafraid to try new things creatively. They're still in the learning process...so it's okay for the page to paint a picture or write a poem and end up with a really ugly painting or a really bad poem. For the page, the process of being creative is more important than the product. The page is young and lets him/herself have fun with the creative process without worrying too much about pressure to succeed, or about what other people think. You also had the Knight of Pentacles reversed...telling you not to be so much like the Knight of Pentacles. Oddly, the Knight would be someone interested in a healing profession, but I don't think that in and of itself is what the tarot is telling you to stop doing. (actually working in acupuncture is probably a very helpful thing to do). I think the message is more: stop WORRYIINIG...stop holding yourself back. Don't be so concerned with the process or the outcome or perfection. You are creatively talented, but the Knight of Pentacles is the type of personality that puts too much pressure on him/herself to be just perfect. It is also a card about inertia...it is a very slowwwww card. You're having a lot of trouble pulling yourself out of a Knight of Pentacles mentality because any kind of change is slow and difficult and worrisome when you are the Knight of Pentacles.
Let me see what other cards I can pull:
10 of Wands, 8 of Pentacles, and Knight of Cups
Anytime the wands show up in a reading about creativity, that is a good sign. The ten is a sign of great burden, but also a signal that you are coming to a culmination where you have learned a certain lesson and will need to take that new knowledge and begin learning a new lesson. You know that creative expression will be beneficial to you emotionally and will help you with the grieving and with the depression/anxiety that you are dealing with, BUT that knowledge is also painful because you feel unsure how to go about releasing your creations. Regardless, you have reached a point where a lesson has been learned, which means you can begin to learn a new lesson.
The new lesson is how to enjoy your ability to create, and perfecting your skill while you're at it, like the man in the 8 of pentacles card does. (I am using rider/waite for reference). The first pentacle he made wasn't so great. The next was a little better, and so on. Eventually he will be a master of his creations. He will become the person on the 9 of pentacles card who is surrounded by the beauty of the gardens he has planted (to be metaphorical). Then he will be the person from the 10 of pentacles, surrounded by creative wealth and by the people who love him, by the relationships that keep him stable and secure.
The Knight of Cups here, I think, is saying to begin by noticing how emotions can be wonderful. Treat interactions with other people as a blessing whenever you can. Even if you have a bad interaction with another person, think of how wonderful it is that you have such a depth and range of emotions to draw from in your creative work. (I want to be clear, I'm not trying to tell you to think every asshole you meet is a great person or that you have to be ms. sunshine, but just recognize that all of your emotions are important...it is necessary to feel them all--your soul needs to experience these emotions--but the emotion of joy is an especially important one...so open yourself up to the possibility of that one whenever you can).
I asked to look more into the Knight of Cups meaning and I got 2 of cups, 5 of wands, and High Priestess.
Again...learning to deal with relationships is going to be important to your creative process just as your ability to let out, to RELEASE your creations will be helpful to your relationships. Harmony (2 of cups) and Conflict (5 of wands) are both necessary. The High Priestess understands the necessary of both! Like her, you realize this as well.
In : Health/Healing
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